Why I blog

Four years ago, the enemy attacked our family with unforeseen vengeance. He used our oldest children to cripple us and take us into a spiral of darkness. But, before we talk about that, let's go further back, to 5 years ago and visit me.

I like to clean when the house is quiet, when everyone is gone and I can just do my thing. I turn music on sometimes and begin whatever task is at hand. 5 years ago, I found myself cleaning and then stopping to pray. Heart wrenching prayers on my knees with Savior. Normally, my prayers would take place in my daughters room. One night I anointed he door with olive oil in the form of a cross and then prayed on my knees. Sometimes minutes, but most of the time I would pray 30 minutes or more and although I didn't know then, I now know that I was preparing for spiritual warfare.
As I said early, 4 years ago the enemy attacked. Our daughter made the choice to no longer be part of our family, as some do that come from blended or broken families. It wasn't as peaceful as that sentence makes it, but after 4 years, we've healed some and know that we can't hold onto anger or grief.
7 months later, as we were learning to be a family with one of our limbs missing, we took our annual trip to the mountains for apple picking. I told my husband, " I just need normal, can we please do something that is normal." Still crippled with the pain, we felt that a normal day trip was just what we needed. You can't see me, but my eyes are rolling as I think back to that day.
Our beautiful trip was flooded a few minutes into picking with rain. It was okay, at first... we huddled under apple trees, that provided no protection from the rain and then made our way back to the cover of the barn, while my father in law and then 6 year old son splashed puddles and continued to pick apples.
Without details, it was during this trip we found out  things that had been happening with our oldest son and our trip turned from light in the tunnel, quickly back to the darkness we had been swaddled in. My husband was most affected and with hardly a word spoken, we faked a soggy family day, walking through stores in Hendersonville, eating ice cream, once we dried, and silently driving the longest hour and a half home, ever.
The next day was Sunday and I sat silent, with tears choking me, as my husband never made it to our Sunday School class. Eyes wouldn't look at me and our class talked among themselves, as I would crack out, I'm sorry, I don't know where he is.
I walked past a friend that looked at me, all knowing, as we made our way to the choir. The Pastor's wife and choir director's face went from smile to concern as I stood trembling, willing myself to keep, the ever slipping, mask on. When she mouthed, are you okay, I shook my head no and the music began. I almost ran off the stage when the song stopped and my friend, followed me. Took my arm and carried me to the prayer room. I still tear up as I think of the love she showed me in that moment.
Words spilled in hiccupping cries, as we clung to each other while she let me sob, kneeling on the floor because my legs no longer held strength.  She knew, she had tried to tell me a few months earlier, but blinded by love, I didn't understand..... We spent all of worship service in that prayer room. When I had no more words, she knelt with me and prayed over me, while sobs still escaped me.

My husband left for a 16 day trip overseas and I had hard conversations with my son. When he returned from that trip, he stepped down as Sunday school teacher and we took a 6 month break, so we could be fed. The Lord orchestrated everything perfectly and we began to heal.

Please understand, it wasn't that soggy day in the apple field or the day our daughter walked out of our lives, that broke us. Those were the tools the enemy used. We realized our house was on fire and we were so comfortable in our church going lives, that the enemy's forces snuck in and captured us with our bibles closed.
A few months later, I was sitting in church service and the Lord challenged me to wake up earlier than I already did, and start a daily devotion with Him, just 40 days. Moment of truth, y'all, this was May and I look forward to June, because no school, means an extra 30 minutes of sleep for this momma! So, I balked at the idea, because those 40 days would take most of my precious, long desired, summer days of extra sleep. Praise God, He won and I began a 40 day journey. The enemy didn't make it easy, as the very first night, I hardly slept, but still, I rose and read. Without those 40 days, there would be no, Morning Coffee at the Well. You see, I continued that devotion time, and while some days are better than others, I spend time with the Savior.
Now let's fast forward to a New Years day, where the Lord ask me to start blogging. Laughing, I wrote it in one of my many, many journals, but I didn't start until 4 months later. The first post was terrifying as I had decided everyone would hate it and make fun of me. Here I am, two years later, still typing away.

First, I have no regrets and I hold no anger toward my children. My prayer is that I will have a relationship with my daughter again and as for my son, we are long past that time period. He is becoming a responsible young man. One I am very proud of and always have been. Second, we see that year for what it was. An attack on our family meant to destroy us. It didn't. God got the victory and we continue to see the blessings....the good that God turned our bad, into. We know that God makes all things new, because we are new. Our family looks different but we survived.

Don't misunderstand, there are still days the darkness tries to consume me, but I have my journal and pen ready. I arm myself with God's word and a cup of coffee each morning. Okay......most mornings. I have a devotion at work, for when I need a few minutes of peace, and I have a play list full of powerful worship music for those days......you know those days....we all have them.

So, this is how and why, Morning Coffee at the Well, was birthed. A season of darkness, brokenness, pain searing through the heart of our family, and prayers that are still being prayed. Without that season, ......honestly folks, without that attack, I wouldn't be who I am today. The quick to anger woman, that holds Savior as faithful, fulfilling, all knowing, and friend. I only thought I knew Him, only thought I had a true relationship with Him. I still need to grow and I know that He is not finished. I also know that there will be seasons of darkness, but our family is better armed. Savior will be victorious, even if I fail to stay strong.
Father, I thank you for the victory over darkness. For being the Light and promising us eternal life. So many are sitting in darkness, right now. I lift them up to you. I pray I can do better, be better, and serve better. My God, My Savior, My Healer, My Provider, My Comforter, My Friend....in You....will I trust. Amen