I am the InnKeeper that turned away Love.

The Holiday season has begun and as always, I am ready the day after Halloween to throw out Pumpkin Spice for the red cup of Christmas cheer! I know we still have a Thanksgiving bird to cook, but honestly, I’m thankful for the freedom to decorate my house in Christmas red, green, silver and gold, even as some of you choose to keep browns, golds, and shades of autumn around.  I always have these wonderful dreams of things my family will do to fill up our slim weekends after Halloween, but poof, just like that, they are all scheduled. This year is not exception and I wish that I could say that I’ve been smiling and accepting of all he extra, but, I can’t.

As each weekend has been spoken for by some unforeseen event, I have huffed and puffed. I’ve shown the calendar to my sweet husband and begged him to understand that “my” Christmas is being taken away because of all of these events, most of them, I’m embarrassed to admit, with our church. Instead of joy filling my soul that we have ministry opportunities in our church, I’ve ask, when will we decorate our house, when will we go Christmas shopping, when we will we clean the house? Me, Me, Me…..all me.

So, as you can imagine, when my husband came to me late one night, after a phone call, and said, we need to talk….. I tensed up. You see, we had a plan and I was finally, accepting the added duties, understanding that we had a plan. He began,  I’ve been ask to volunteer for one more thing, but I’m only doing this part of it ……translation, two to three more hours, each Saturday, taken away from, “my” Christmas. I wish I could say that I was understanding, I wish I could say that I met his enthusiasm to serve, I wish more than anything I understood his heart to serve, but instead, words were exchanged, bed time was late, and apologies were hard.

Driving to work the next morning, I tried to come to grips with it. God and I began a dialogue and for a brief, very brief, moment, I felt justified in my anger the night before. After all, God tells us to rest one day a week and if our weekends are full, how is that rest? Like I said, my feelings of justification were brief….. God slowly began to take me to the manger scene with the words of Christmas songs. How must Mary have felt with her life being forever changed? Then I saw the shepherds with their sheep and it must have been inconvenient for them to leave the sheep to follow the star. I was starting to understand, when God, not to be disrespectful, but He, Dropped the mic, y’all and I saw, Mary and Joseph being turned away by Inn keeper, after Inn keeper and I stopped breathing as my cheeks dampened. No! No! Please no….. I was not like the Inn keepers….I’m the Inn Keeper that found room for Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus! I am the disciple that walked away from my fishing job to follow the Savior, I am the woman at the well who went into town to tell the village about Jesus, I am ………..fooling myself and I find myself utterly devastated.

Truth is we all want to believe that we would have been Peter, the Rock, which Jesus built his church on. We all want to believe that we could have been Moses and maybe we would have needed persuading, but we would have come around, right?…..But are we? How many more, rich young rulers, are there, than fishermen?  This was my moment and I can’t promise there will not be more. I am flesh, I am sinful man, and I am selfish. God forgive me.

When did a clean house, baked cookies, Christmas trees, and visits to Christmas themed towns become the reason for the season? Yes, I have a lot of do this year, more than I wish, but I choose to that Love came down and I am to share the love of Christ. So, someone may not get their favorite dessert, a Christmas gift might not be perfect or even purchased for that matter, and  that Christmas town might have to wait, but I will show you love in an unorganized, not perfectly decorated home, this Christmas. Jesus Christ is the only thing that matters during this season of hope, love, and family.

Father, forgive us. This flesh is hard to fight against somedays. When we see those whose families look like a Hallmark movie, remind us to let people see our flaws, our dirty, our mess, our anxiety, our fears, and then let them see the Love of this world in that ugly. Let them see the blood stained scars, washed clean by a baby lying in a manger, killed on a cross, and raised from the dead, to the right hand side of God, forevermore. Amen