Running its course.

Running its course.

I stood in the bathroom staring, as the last few drops absorbed into the cotton ball. I started to take the polish off my nails when a sorrow found me from out of nowhere and my eyes began to blur as unwanted tears filled them. I looked at the empty bottle of nail polish remover and remembered the day over two years ago that I rushed out to CVS and bought it.

The memories came back to me like a warm bath, soaking into my being with comfort and then easing out as the water turned cold. It was Mardi Gras weekend and we were heading to a friend’s house for their annual party. She, had a friend over and we had spent the morning buying crazy colored make-up to dress the part. I had bought a gel nail polish in a funky purple, but I had no idea how to use it and desperately needed it removed before the party. She laughed at my nails, thankful that she had not done the same thing. I watched as she squealed with excitement as I came home with a hair straightener and went right to work on her hair. I still see her and her friend laughing while they took duck-faced selfies for Instagram fame, before we left for the party.

The tears flowed as I used the last of that much needed polish remover and with it so the memory faded. As more time passes, less of her remains in the home, just boxed up memories and an unused room.

Remember Your word to your servant; You have given me hope through it.

This is my comfort in my affliction: Your promise has given me life.

Psalm 119: 49-50

When she was younger, I began the privileged journey of becoming her, Step-Mother. The Lord made me this promise, “I give her to you, not from your womb, but to your hands.” I never believed that I was meant to take the place of her birth mother, but that I was blessed with a daughter through a blended circumstance. As with an unfortunate multitude, our blended family was or is haunted with angry from the past. The relationship between the parents is rocky and never without argument and disagreement. The result is a daughter that we, the every other weekend and 4 weeks a summer family, has not seen in over 2 years. Hate poured from her lips as she made her choice and left us trying to be a family with a part missing. The subject has become the white elephant in the room during the holidays as we stare at an empty stocking or cringe when our youngest ask if he will ever see, Sissy again. We avoid the answer and change the subject, hoping his unanswered question will go away, not really knowing the answer to give.

For me, the memories go through cycles of prayer. Some days I pray with a thankful heart, knowing my God has this and He will keep His promise to me. Other days, I find myself angry and asking God why He would allow this to happen to us and, demanding to know, when it will be corrected. Then, there are, the shameful days when I try to guilt, God into answering my prayer…. Thankfully, as time has passed, I hold to His word and pray more for her than myself, knowing, that my God has this.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding…

Proverbs 3:5

This week I was struck with a terrible stomach bug that lasted 5 days. I found myself praying that God take it away and heal me immediately. I heard Him say that it had to, run its course. As I began to feel better, I started to think about a virus running its course and all of the prayers for “unanswered prayers”. Are they unanswered or is God just allowing them to run their course? I prayed three years for a new job and now I am happy and glad that God was patient in putting me where I am, instead of hurriedly answering my prayer with one of the many I applied for. God knows best. I could reference all of the familiar bible stories with people that waited years before prayers were answered, but if you are like me, and you are waiting on God to step in and take the wheel, you probably don’t want to be reminded of how long Abraham and Sarah waited to have a child. Right?

Just remember, your prayers are never unanswered. God is letting this run its course until His will is done, not yours. I know that my family will be whole again, God made me a promise. This will pass and our family will be stronger because of it. One day that stocking will hang full and, Praise God, when it does, that quake your feel, that shout you hear, that unexplained picture falling off the wall, will be my family rejoicing, as we see God’s hand answer our prayer.

Father God, I praise you for protection during storms in life that seem endless. For giving us Your Word to remind us of Your tender mercy and perfect answers. I pray for all of the blended families struggling to get along and for all of the Fathers and Mothers that miss their children. Give them peace in knowing that You have this; it just needs to run its course. Your plans are better, Your will is unshaken, and Your timing is perfect. Amen.