Disobedience

Disobedience

 

What do you write about when you have spent your week watching Netflix, reading books on your IPhone, and listening to Podcast, as you discover new gods to put before the very one that brought you through the storm, not 3 months ago? After a hard week of learning a lesson, again, that partial obedience leads to a rough few days, as you sit silently suffering the consequences of not sitting quietly, just a few days before? How do you uplift people that may need to hear a word from God, when even your, morning prayer time, has been interrupted with social media scrolling, delicious cups of coffee, and quiet moments of listening to the chorus of birds, as the sun wakes up the earth?

You write about it. You let people know that you are human and that you put other gods before the Father, this week. We all fall short of His glory and this week is a perfect example. Instead of streaming Christian music into my car for the 30 plus minute drive to and from work, I listened to more secular music. Choosing to drown out the poor choices I made with the sounds of Moby and Adele, other than letting Toby and the Newsboys sway my soul and listen as God talks to me through worship in music. You see, most of what I write is given through conversations with God. Music keeps my attention and drowns out the world. It allows me to listen to the Savior as He guides my direction. This week, I choose a different path. Not because I was angry or because I wanted to drown out my God. I just simple choose to drown out all of it. I didn’t listen when God told me to stay quiet two weeks ago and I had to deal with the aftermath. While I said nothing untrue and in reality did nothing wrong in the eyes of the world, I did not obey the Father and because of that, I was left unprotected from the harshness of this world. I made my life unnecessarily uncomfortable, because I spoke, when I had been told to not say a word.

Have you, ever heard God tell you not to, yet you did and very quickly realized why He said no? In that moment of, what I did was not wrong, but now I have to deal with discomfort because I didn’t listen to the Creator? So, in my flesh, I choose to ignore the, I told you so, conversation and instead, drown it all out. What I am left with, is a feeling of emptiness as I wait for my conversations to begin again. For the last few months, God has brought the story of Saul and his partial disobedience to me. So much so, that I recently told my husband I was ready to change Sunday school material so we could learn something new. I guess, I needed to hear, Saul’s disobedience over and over again. When will I learn?

However, I did give them this command: Obey Me, and then I will be your God, and you will be

My people. You must follow every way I command you so that it may go well with you.

Jer. 7:23

So that it may go well with you… How true that is. If we would obey the Savior, things will go well. It is when we stray from what God tells us, that we find ourselves in a mess. Just a simple instruction from God to stay quiet about a situation, on that day, would have saved me a few uncomfortable days. I pray your week has been better. I hope someone reading this can relate. I am sure that someone reading this, needed this. If it is you, know that you are not alone and that we all have days, weeks, or months that we fall short. I know I do.

Father, forgive me for partial obedience or rather, disobedience. I ask you to turn my attention to you and help me lay the idols down, so that our relationship continues to grow. Give me strength to do as you ask. Give me courage to step out of my comfort zone and have assurance that, if my God is for me, who can be against me? Help me take a leap of faith and walk with you. Father, take care of all of those that read these words. I pray for each and every one. Amen.

Jehovah-Rapha: The Lord who heals.

Jehovah-Rapha: The Lord who heals

 

The only sound I could hear was the pounding of my own heart and that still small voice pushing me forward. I questioned it shaking it off and ignoring it as I watched 9 people make their way to the front of the church. I watched confused as I heard that urging to walk forward and stand at the front of the church. It was so odd for our Pastor to call people to the front, even the day I accepted Christ I had raised a hand in blind view of a congregation. Now, as 9 others stood I knew I was number 10, as  her name came in audible sound and I realized with humbled understanding, that I did, in deed hold anger in my heart and I needed to release it by forgiving her.

For God was pleased to have all His fullness dwell in Him, and through Him to reconcile everything

to Himself by making peace through the blood of His cross- whether things on earth or things in heaven.

Colossians 1: 19-20

Right after church I drove to her house with a peace I had not felt since the day I accepted my Savior. I walked with boldness to her door and she opened it as if expecting me. I sat with her and apologized for the anger I had, explaining why and releasing a weight I never realized I held. She looked at me astonished and only said she had no idea I was angry. She never acknowledged her part, but that was okay. I was not there to hear an apology, only to give one.

Therefore, God’s chosen ones, holy and loved, put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,

Accepting one another and forgiving one another if anyone as a complaint against another. Just as the Lord

has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.

Colossians 3: 12-13

We, as followers of Christ, are expected to forgive others. The harsh reality of it, as flesh, we expect to receive the same from the person we are forgiving. We see this in movies and TV shows as the characters all huddle in a hug of compassion, forgiving each other and going off into the sunset to live happily ever after. The truth is, in life that is not always the case. Christ does not ask us to forgive so we can watch as the other person realizes their wrong and ask for forgiveness, instead he ask us to forgive, so that we can be released from the anger it causes us.

Do you ever find yourself thinking about a person that wronged you and having a heated conversation in your head, proving over and over again why you are right and they are wrong? Do you find that you feel better when that imaginary conversation is over, or do you find that you are angry, sad, or just defeated? Holding on to that does nothing but hurt you. Not everyone needs to have a moment like I had, for some of us the person we need to forgive is gone or unavailable. Find a way to forgive them. Write them a letter that you never mail, go to your knees in prayer and tell God all that you want to say and then succumb to forgiving release.

I realize that some wrongs are too hard to forgive and go back to a loving relationship with someone. There are those situations where you forgive someone, but due to the circumstances of the wrong doing, it is better to forgive and then let God do the rest.

I know that the day I forgave, was a turning point in my life. I was able to move past a part of my life that had so much control over me. The really scary thing is, I never realized how much control that part of my past, controlled.

Above all, put on love-the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of the Messiah, to which you were also called in one body,

Control your hearts. Be thankful.

Colossians 1: 14-15

Jehovah Rapha, my Father who heals, I pray you heal the wounds of those reading this. Give them the ability to lay it at the cross and let go of anger in their lives. I lift up each person that is reading this and pray it finds the right audience, for your glory, not mine. Amen.

Song of Solomon

Song of Solomon

Over the last few months I have been watching one of my favorite TV series from the 90”s.  In this show I get to watch season after season of never ending gazing, hand holding, jealousy, friendship, and love. The beginning seasons kept me interested because of the uniqueness of the show, but after season three it was clear that I wanted to watch the two main characters fall in love. This, is also, why my favorite movie is, My Fair Lady. There is something magical about Eliza Doolittle dressed in the most beautiful dress ever, in my opinion, designed, with beautiful jewelry to accent her flawless appearance, as she heads to a dance to be shown off by the man trying to turn her into a Lady. A peasant turned into a Queen, by a man who was only interested in winning a bet. Something changed in Eliza that night. The switch is flipped that evening, as Eliza is now in love with this man. I watch with a smile and pounding heart as she begins to sing, I could have danced all night, I could have danced all night, and still have begged for more.

Oh, that he would kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!

For your love is more delightful than wine. The fragrance of your perfume is intoxicating;

your name is perfume poured out. No wonder young women adore you.

Song of Solomon 1: 2-3

Surprised to see those verses? I must admit, I was too and I believe I blushed a little. While it is nothing for me to endlessly wait on my favorite characters to finally kiss, I find it shocking that this lust and desire would be in the bible. I often forget that God designed us to desire our spouses.  After all, it is that moment we all dream of, right? That first kiss with the man or woman of our dreams? The kiss is what we wait for while reading a book, watching a movie, or even watching a TV series. It’s the shark writers don’t want to jump, yet the scene we all, dreamy eyed, wait for. It’s the moment Whitley says yes to Duwayne Wayne, the moment Rhett Butler takes Scarlett into his arms, and when Ross and Rachel kiss.

I find television sad now in that we no longer have to wait more than a season or two for characters to not only kiss, but jump into bed together. As if that is not bad enough, we then watch as they break up and get back together over and over again. Young adults see this as the norm when they date and very rarely have to wait on that, first front door step, kiss. The lingering anticipation soon fades as they mistake physical yearning for love. What has happened to the movies that left us with smiles on our faces as we see Eliza Doolittle and Henry Higgins miserable without each other and watch as Rhett Butler takes Scarlett upstairs, satisfied with the emotion of the scene. Even on sitcoms, we were satisfied with a flirtation that could go on for season after season, tuning in each week hoping for a flirtatious remark or a glaze. Loving the silly situations, that never happen in real life, to push our favorite characters together.

Take me with you – let us hurry. Oh, that the king would bring me to his chambers.

Song of Solomon 1: 4

King Solomon’s bride was waiting for her honeymoon night. The anticipation of that night brought her joy as she pined for her king. The poetry of this book is a beautiful reminder for those of us that are married. Ladies, when was the last time you wished that your husband would take you to his chambers? When, was the last time you pined for a kiss of the mouth? Are these just girlish desires that die after we get our wedding day, after the “shark” has been jumped and the anticipation is no longer there? The story is not over and our spouses should still bring an increased beating of the heart, a smile to our face, and desire.

I realize this is not my normal writing. Maybe 7 seasons of watching two fictitious characters has made me mushy hearted or maybe we all need to be reminded of the love between a man and woman. The shyness of love as it first catches us off guard. The sweaty palms, heart beating out of our chest, and the hope that this is the person, the one, the ever after. God created man to be with woman. He wanted man to have a person to love and cherish, but if you read the Song of Solomon, he also created us to desire our spouse. Take a moment to read this short book of poetry between a man and woman. Blush a little as you read it and then remember that moment the man of your dreams, stepped in closer, for a first kiss.

Dear Lord, bless those that are reading this. I pray you will put marriages back together and desire back into the hearts of those that have forgotten each other. Amen.

Running its course.

Running its course.

I stood in the bathroom staring, as the last few drops absorbed into the cotton ball. I started to take the polish off my nails when a sorrow found me from out of nowhere and my eyes began to blur as unwanted tears filled them. I looked at the empty bottle of nail polish remover and remembered the day over two years ago that I rushed out to CVS and bought it.

The memories came back to me like a warm bath, soaking into my being with comfort and then easing out as the water turned cold. It was Mardi Gras weekend and we were heading to a friend’s house for their annual party. She, had a friend over and we had spent the morning buying crazy colored make-up to dress the part. I had bought a gel nail polish in a funky purple, but I had no idea how to use it and desperately needed it removed before the party. She laughed at my nails, thankful that she had not done the same thing. I watched as she squealed with excitement as I came home with a hair straightener and went right to work on her hair. I still see her and her friend laughing while they took duck-faced selfies for Instagram fame, before we left for the party.

The tears flowed as I used the last of that much needed polish remover and with it so the memory faded. As more time passes, less of her remains in the home, just boxed up memories and an unused room.

Remember Your word to your servant; You have given me hope through it.

This is my comfort in my affliction: Your promise has given me life.

Psalm 119: 49-50

When she was younger, I began the privileged journey of becoming her, Step-Mother. The Lord made me this promise, “I give her to you, not from your womb, but to your hands.” I never believed that I was meant to take the place of her birth mother, but that I was blessed with a daughter through a blended circumstance. As with an unfortunate multitude, our blended family was or is haunted with angry from the past. The relationship between the parents is rocky and never without argument and disagreement. The result is a daughter that we, the every other weekend and 4 weeks a summer family, has not seen in over 2 years. Hate poured from her lips as she made her choice and left us trying to be a family with a part missing. The subject has become the white elephant in the room during the holidays as we stare at an empty stocking or cringe when our youngest ask if he will ever see, Sissy again. We avoid the answer and change the subject, hoping his unanswered question will go away, not really knowing the answer to give.

For me, the memories go through cycles of prayer. Some days I pray with a thankful heart, knowing my God has this and He will keep His promise to me. Other days, I find myself angry and asking God why He would allow this to happen to us and, demanding to know, when it will be corrected. Then, there are, the shameful days when I try to guilt, God into answering my prayer…. Thankfully, as time has passed, I hold to His word and pray more for her than myself, knowing, that my God has this.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding…

Proverbs 3:5

This week I was struck with a terrible stomach bug that lasted 5 days. I found myself praying that God take it away and heal me immediately. I heard Him say that it had to, run its course. As I began to feel better, I started to think about a virus running its course and all of the prayers for “unanswered prayers”. Are they unanswered or is God just allowing them to run their course? I prayed three years for a new job and now I am happy and glad that God was patient in putting me where I am, instead of hurriedly answering my prayer with one of the many I applied for. God knows best. I could reference all of the familiar bible stories with people that waited years before prayers were answered, but if you are like me, and you are waiting on God to step in and take the wheel, you probably don’t want to be reminded of how long Abraham and Sarah waited to have a child. Right?

Just remember, your prayers are never unanswered. God is letting this run its course until His will is done, not yours. I know that my family will be whole again, God made me a promise. This will pass and our family will be stronger because of it. One day that stocking will hang full and, Praise God, when it does, that quake your feel, that shout you hear, that unexplained picture falling off the wall, will be my family rejoicing, as we see God’s hand answer our prayer.

Father God, I praise you for protection during storms in life that seem endless. For giving us Your Word to remind us of Your tender mercy and perfect answers. I pray for all of the blended families struggling to get along and for all of the Fathers and Mothers that miss their children. Give them peace in knowing that You have this; it just needs to run its course. Your plans are better, Your will is unshaken, and Your timing is perfect. Amen.

Love them where they are.

Love them where they are.

Years ago I was having a conversation with a woman about a family member of hers that had chosen to work, instead of staying home with her children, like she did. She went on to say the reason this family members grandchildren were now divorced or having babies before marriage, was due to her decision to work. I looked at this person and said that I too had a child of wedlock and that I had turned out just fine and that I was sure her granddaughter would too. She looked me straight in the eyes, put her hand to her chest, in true southern woman fashion, and said, “Rhonda, I had no idea you were that way.” I just smiled and walked away. I don’t know that we have had a conversation since.

I am obligated both to Greeks and barbarians, both to the wise and the foolish.

Romans 1:14

Why is it that people refuse to see all sin as sin and choose to believe that somehow their sin is less harmful than that of others? It always makes me sad when I hear of a young unwed girl that no longer comes to church. We often don’t see her again until she is either married or after the baby is born. The human race, in general, seems to be that way with sin. We judge the sin that we choose not to partake in, forgetting the sin we hide in our own house.

I was not attending church when I was pregnant with my oldest son, but I was judged by this world. I had a good friend that was all of a sudden, no longer such a good friend. Her daddy didn’t like her hanging around me any longer. I saw her parents in the grocery store when my son was around 2 years old. Her mother spoke kindly to me and ask if this was my son, her father on the other hand, looked at my sweet boy and said, “Is that is?” He then walked off, with his wife not far behind. My feelings were hurt but I didn’t let it phase me, nor did I allow the woman above to phase me.

We must learn to love people where they are in life. We all believe different things, we were all raised differently, and we are not all of the same culture. Like Paul said, he was obligated to the Greeks and the Barbarians, we are obligated to all people.

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is God’s power for salvation to everyone who believes, first to the Jew, and also to the Greek.

For in it God’s righteousness is revealed from faith to faith, just as it is written: The Righteous will live by faith.

 For God’s wrath is revealed from heaven against all godlessness and unrighteousness of people who by their unrighteousness

Suppress the truth.

Romans 1: 16-19

 Paul reminds us that God’s salvation is for all who believe. It’s not for a select few, it is for everyone. Yet, we as sinners ourselves, seem to believe that person must clean up their life before the gospel can be shared. We are quick to judge someone for the way they live, the color of their skin, the way they dress, the size of their body, the job they work, the addiction they give into, the way they speak, and the list can go on and on.

We, as followers of Christ, must learn from Paul and realize that it is not our job to judge but to spread the gospel to all who will listen. Let God work on their hearts. Remember, God’s word will not return void. It may be Heaven, before you know the impact sharing the gospel had on that person, but it will not return void.

Let’s go out this week and show love, respect, and God’s word, into this lost world. Help heal the hurt that people are feeling with God’s love and leave the judgement, for the only one that can.

Father God, I thank you for your Word. I thank you that it will not return void. I lift up each person reading this that you will let them see with the eyes of love instead of judgment. Forgive me for judging others and treating them different. Allow me to be the hands and feet. Amen.

The Creator

The Creator

Several years ago I worked with a young man that would take his lunch during my lunch time and come into my sanctuary and start conversation. At the time I felt he did it to annoy me but now, having time to reflect, I realize he was searching. The TV in our break room, only showed news channels, which led to many political conversation. The conversation he liked to engage in more than any, was around my relationship with Christ. I believe he was searching for truth, unwilling to accept Christ. One day he ask a question, that anyone that has a relationship with Christ, can expect to get, at some time in their walk.

Do people that have never heard of Christ, go to Hell? I didn’t completely understand the question. He elaborated and ask if people in a remote village in Africa never met a missionary, do they go to Hell for not accepting Christ? If so, how can a loving God send a person to Hell that never had the opportunity to hear of Him?

I was stumped. How do I answer that question?  

For His invisible attributes, that is, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen since the

creation of the world, being understood through what He has made.

As a result, people are without excuse.

Romans 1:20

The next day, I shared, Romans 1:20 with him. He looked at me and said he would have to think about it. He never engaged me in conversation about my faith again. I was shocked and hurt that I had given him an answer, he had no response, and he never brought it up again. I don’t know what happened to that young man. I left the company and heard he did too.

For though they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God or show gratitude. Instead, their

thinking became nonsense, and their senseless minds were darkened. Claiming to be

wise they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal

man, birds, four-footed animals, and reptiles.

Romans 1:21-23

I love to sit outside in the mornings and listen as God’s birds sing a chorus of praise. I like to watch as the squirrels and chipmunks scavenge around for food. I don’t even mind the occasionally rabbit in my garden. I like to see the way their little mouths never stop chewing as they watch me to see if I going to get too close. I have never doubted that these things were created. I often think that God’s artwork is shown in the early morning sky with colors no artist can replicate. The moon, when it is bright and full is a marvel as I look up at night and the sun, no matter how hot, is always more beautiful coming up over the ocean. Still, I know that all of that is created. I worship the Creator and I have never doubted His authenticity. I have, however, run from him. Searching for happiness in places I had no business and believing that He had no love for me. In all of days of ignoring the Creator, He never ignored me. He was there with me each time I stumbled and fell. He showed himself to me through protection, healing, providing when I was in need, and of course, in all of the wonders of this earth. Reminding me that He was still loving me, even when I rejected Him. When I ran to my Savior, my blessings became more abundant and at times, I am overwhelmed with the love and mercy He gives me. I see those around me refusing to worship the Creator and giving into things created. It makes me sad when I see them blessed and they don’t recognized where that came from. Instead, believing they were in the right place at the right time. I think, how much more He would give, if you would just believe.

Pray for those that worship the created and not the Creator. Show them Jesus with love, not judgement. Remember our Saviors conversation at the Well, when he loved the Samaritan woman where she was. He is the only Judge, we are His vessels.

Father God, in a world with so much hate and destruction, where the color of a man’s skin can determine the love that others show and the uniform a man chooses can bring death with no reason, I pray. I ask your protection for those that serve us and I pray those persecuted, for no reason other than the color, you gave them. I pray we all see each other as your children and love the differences in all. I pray for love without judgement. I pray that we care more for the life than the lifestyle. Bring us to our knees, Father, bring us to the foot of the cross to ask forgiveness for killing each other, for hating each other, for only witnessing to those we deem worthy. My God, My God, I cry out to you for this lost world, believing you can open the hearts of the lost and turn our eyes to you. Thy will be done, on earth, as it is in Heaven. Amen.

Unchanging Love

Unchanging Love

As far as the east is from the west, so far has He

 removed our transgressions from us.

Psalm 103:12

As I got out of my car, my Aunt approached. She told me, that she had already told my Grandparents the news I had come to tell them. I stood there with her, looking toward the Gazebo where I had spent much of my childhood, playing, laughing and talking on Sunday afternoons. My boyfriend and I found out the day he left for Army basic training as I was standing at MEPS, in Charlotte, NC, with tears in my eyes as he was waiting to leave. The Doctor called to confirm what the little pink line had already told us. The next days were a blur as I was left to tell family, alone, though not by his choice.  My Dad took the news okay, as I ask him if he wanted to be a Grandfather, too ashamed, to just tell him I was expecting. My boyfriend’s family was easy, as they had opened their doors to me and allowed me to live with them until he returned from Basic. My Grandparents, were something different. With them, it was as if I forgot that I would have to tell them too. I felt like it would change me,  from the well-loved little girl that used to watch the red caboose with my Pawpaw, in Belmont, to an unlovable,  unwed 20 year old, expecting a Great grandbaby.

My Aunt walked with me, slowly, telling me that the hard part was done. She also said something I have never forgotten, “Good girls, get caught.” I didn’t completely understand that until years later. I realized that I did have options, though none of them ever entered my mind. This baby was mine and he was my responsibility to take care of. I walked in the square, white gazebo and sat down in a white wooden chair facing my grandparents, swinging the in the porch swing. My Mawmaw was looking down at her feet, as she often did and my Pawpaw looked me in the eyes with all the love of the man that had on several occasions,  raced with me to the railroad tracks, me in the front seat, standing up, with, only, his strong arm for protection, to make sure I saw the red caboose before the train was out of sight. No judgement showed in his eyes, just perfect unchanging love.

 As a father has compassion on his children,

So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. For He knows

What we are made of, remembering that we are dust.

Palm 103:13-14

I imagine that is the way our Savior looks at us when we fail. If we all could love the way my Pawpaw did in that very moment, without judgement in his eyes, without hurt or disgust, just love. How much more would our lights shine in this dark world, if we could love in that way. A few years back we had a need to talk to a counselor with my son. The counselor ask him if he thought he was loved and he said yes. I know my parents love me, no matter what I do. I remember thinking we must have done something right, because even through the storm, he knew he was loved. Much like I did, many years before, in that little white gazebo.

Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 John 4: 7-8

It is hard, at times, to remember that all sin is equal in the eyes of God. It is even harder to watch a follower of Christ fall and sin and love them where they are. That is exactly what God wants from us. To look into the eyes of His people and love them where they are. It is not our job to change them, it is only for us to love them and show them the light of Christ. I saw true love on that hot summer day in August, as I listened as my Grandparents loved me, where I was. They treated my son with the same love they gave me and they were proud Great Grandparents when he made his debut in to this world. Just, might I add, as the rest of my family. The shame I felt as I went to Doctor appointments’, still baring my maiden name, was not due to anyone in my life, it was my own shame.  There were people that shunned me but honestly, that is a whole other blog. We must remember, that God is love. Unfortunately, due to man and his failures, the world does not always see God as love, they instead see Him as judgement, shame, and hate. We can change that image by loving people, not after they are clean, but where they are.

Hatred stirs up conflicts,

But love covers all offenses.

Proverbs 10:12

Wise words to live by. Somedays we just have to bite or tongues and show love because as we are reminded in John 15:13,” Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” That friend was Jesus Christ and He laid down His life for all men that we might know of His unchanging love.

After my Pawpaw passed, I drove to Belmont, parked and sat in my car waiting for the train to pass. No trains went by that morning and finally, tear soaked and exhausted, I put the car in drive and drove home. I’ve seen trains, even cabooses, but since that day I have not parked and sat to wait. I pray for trains in Heaven, so that when I am reunited with my Pawpaw, we can watch one together. I hope he puts his arm around my waist, and we just watch.   

Lord, I lift up those in need of a reminder of your love today. Send me, Lord, to love someone that needs to see your light. I pray I hold my tongue of judgement and just love them where they are. Amen.