Blessings

Blessings

Philippians 4:6

 Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.

As anxiety found me again, I walked up the stairs to my prayer room, determined to hear from God. With expectation, I laid my bible and journal on the bed and I lowered to my knees. I said, as humble a prayer, as possible, with no emotion. I challenged God, by telling him I would not leave that room until I heard from him. All while my brain played all the things I had to do that day. Once my prayer was complete, I rose from my praying position, sat on the bed, armed with pen and journal and began to flip the pages, looking for a clean sheet to start.

Instead of beginning a new page, I began to read all of the old pages. It did not take long for the humbleness I had lacked during prayer to overtake me. How long had I begged God? How many times had I promised to leave my request at the cross? Oh God, I know you can do this, I trust in you and I leave it to your will? A sadness hit my soul as I realized I had allowed myself to turn God into a sounding board for my pain with expectation of my prayers being answered in my time and in my way.  I began to hear myself asking God why he was punishing me and if He can, why won’t He ease my pain?

I searched the scripture I had wrote and realized that I had a good foundation, but I had filled the journal with begging instead of faith and belief. Where was my praise and thanksgiving for all of the great things my God had done?

With that, I began to write out all of the things I was thankful for. The list continued to grow and my hand grew tired. I did hear from God within those moments. He reminded me of all of times He had seen me through. I felt shame in my lack of trust. I speak to friends in their times of need and tell them to trust in God and know that He will see you through. Know He has a plan, yet I am not living the very life I tell those around me to live. How easy I fell victim to the enemy and his pain.

As I was reminded of all of the times God has blessed our family and turned hardship into testimony, I began to feel strong. I still do not see how this season of hardship will work or how we will make it through. I do not know what will happen of my top three prayers. I do know that God has a plan and I will keep that faith. I pray that when I start to beg for answers that God continues to humble me, after all, I am but flesh.

Matthew 7:7

⁷ “Keep asking, and it will be given to you. Keep searching, and you will find. Keep knocking, and the door will be opened to you.

I love this scripture and at the same time, I find, it gives me false hope. Let me explain. When I read this, my human self takes it to mean that whatever I ask for, will be given. So if I ask God to fix this situation in my life, I should look up and it is fixed. Right? God is telling us to come to him with our needs and he will open the door. The other side of that door may not be what you had planned out in your mind, but it will be much better. We have all heard that the grass is not greener on the other side, well with God, the grass is always greener.

I don’t know who this was for but I do know it was for me. I pray you were blessed by reading this and I thank you for humbling this Christ follower by reading what the Lord has ask me to do. I pray he continues to give me words to write and people to read them.

Lord, I pray for everyone reading this today and throughout the week. If they are struggling with a need that seems so far out of reach or if they question why they cannot see your hand in a tough situation, my prayer is that your give this peace by reminding them of all the times you have blessed them.  Amen.