New Year's Resolution.....again.....

New Year’s Resolution……again……

Morning coffee on a cold, dark, morning and I look forward to alone time to spend with my computer and begin a new post for a new year. Pouring coffee I sigh as I realize that last year I talked about losing weight and looking at myself, I failed, again….  Then I think about how my husband and I spent yesterday, early afternoon. You see, we cleaned out a closet and I went through old pocketbooks. All of them were filled with the same things. A few coins in corners, gum wrapped in a piece of paper, old pieces of hard candy, gum wrappers, missing earrings and necklaces, and countless receipts and church bulletins. I begin to think about how long it had been since I had carried some of those purses and realized, not much has changed about me. The only purses that did not have stuff left in them were the three new expensive bags I got last year. Those purses were cleaned out and placed neatly in their little bag for storage.

This made me think, how do I see myself every year that I fail at the same resolution? A cheap imitation or a priceless temple that deserves to be well taken care of?

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to your by

God? You do not belong to yourself, you were bought at a price. Therefore glorify

God with our body.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

In full context, this scripture deals with sexual sin, but I choose it for today, because of verse 20. We were purchased at a price and we should glorify God with our body. You see, many years, I have sat in church and knew that gluttony is a sin, however, I have never heard a Pastor speak on it, that is, that I remember, until last year, when our new pastor touched on it during a sermon. I was very uncomfortable and I squirmed in my self-righteous chair. 4 years ago my Doctor put me on a daily steroid for asthma and within a few months my weight sky-rocketed. 4 years ago was also one of the most difficult times for my husband and I, as the enemy took vengeance on our family by attacking our older children. I ate and then ate some more, I stopped exercising, found solace in a new subscription to a TV streaming company, and decided that eating, knitting, and binge watching would fill my days. Now don’t get me wrong, nothing wrong with knitting, after all, even God knits us together in our mother’s womb.

Fast forward 4 years, 50 pounds, and a doctor visit on December the 12th where my doctor told me where I am on the BMI chart, and said, “You will die earlier at this weight. Fix it.”  Yes, she said this, yes she is still my doctor of 21 years, and I love her. She delivered both of my boys and she is not afraid to deliver truth. The next morning, all I could hear is, you will die….. So, on December the 13^th, I joined Weight Watchers and had great success the first week. Then Christmas came, and now a sinus infection and enflamed asthma has me on heavy steroids, but, I’m not going to beat myself up. I am taking care of my temple and I will continue to do so.

So, what does this have to do with those pocketbooks? Well, first, every time I change pocketbooks, I tell myself that I am not going to leave stuff in them, anymore, as I leave stuff in them. Second, I always find candy that I’ve hidden, because I have struggled with my weight for many, many years. Third, you cannot expect old habits to die overnight, but as I learned from the expensive bags, when you place value on something, you treat it better. So, I am placing value on my temple. This is an instrument of God, a testimony, and I want to be a light in this dark world. It starts with realizing how expensive my temple is. You see, this temple, cost a King, His life.

Father God, tears steam down my cheeks with the words last typed. My whole life I have seen myself as a disposable old purse, instead of a more expensive one that deserve better treatment. My New Year’s resolution is not to lose weight, run a 5K, or give up sugar, it is to recognize the value of myself. I lift up those reading this today, which they also will choose a resolution to place value on themselves in God-fearing humble way and realize that we are so valuable, that a King died in our place. Thank you. Amen

Conversation with an Angel

A season of endless prayers for restoration fell on silent ears, each morning as I drove to work. Endless storms, pressing in, as one by one, securities fail, and life looks forever different. A familiar road to work with a pit stop for breakfast and everything changed.

A few years back the enemy attacked my family, as I have talked about many times, and during one morning routine, I had the privilege of spoken words by Gods messenger.

Each morning, I dropped our youngest at school, and then drove to the Subway close to work, grabbed a breakfast sandwich, and then sat in the parking lot until time to drive to my office. However, this morning was different….. I didn’t turn down the side road, but decided to stay on the main road and I saw him. A man, homeless, with a cart full of bag necessities, walked slowly down the sidewalk.  Seeing homeless was not uncommon, as the railroad through the intersection provides a nice route to the Salvation Army, so I had seen this everyday. I knew their faces, clothes, carts, pets, but this man, I did not know. I couldn’t stop staring at him and I began to feel a stirring.

Buy two sandwiches…..

What? I don’t need two sandwiches and our bank account is low.

Buy two sandwiches and give him one……

But, what? It’s dangerous to speak to the homeless and besides, I don’t know what he likes.

Buy two of the sandwiches you normally get.

I turned in the parking lot, a head of him and still I argued.

Okay, I will buy two sandwiches, but I am not going to track him down and drive to him, this is not safe…..

 As, I started to walk into the restaurant, I noticed the man and cart stopped walking. He was looking around in his cart…he just stopped. Well, I thought, I can always give the extra sandwich to a co-worker, and I ordered.

Get two drinks.

Okay, but I am not going to drive after him and he will be long gone before I leave.

I walked out to my car, and he was still on the sidewalk. I started to back out and he began to walk again. His cart crossed the parking lot entrance as I got to the exit and he was at my door with perfect timing.

Roll down your window and give him the sandwich and drink.

Are you hungry? I got you something. …….and then his eyes met mine and I couldn’t look away as he boldly held my gaze. Dirty hands, warm and inviting, took the food, and eyes like I’ve never seen, held mine, as tears began to burn and blur my vision.

“God is going to bless you.” And I ….not him, said, Thank you, through choked voice. I rolled up my window, turned right onto the road and pulled into my office, not a block away. I looked back at my rear view mirror to watch him pass ……..but, he didn’t. He never did….I looked up the street and back down it….I looked to the railways and I didn’t see.

You will never see him, again.

….and I haven’t. I sobbed until I had to pull myself together, and I can still see his eyes as he said, God is going to bless you…..Not, God Bless you, like most say…..but, God is going to bless you. He said it with authority, assurance, and confidence. He was right. God has blessed me and my family in so many ways since that encounter.

Let brotherly love continue.

Don’t neglect to show hospitality, for by

doing this some have welcomed angels

as guest without knowing it.

Hebrews 13 1-2

I have no doubt this was an angel sent by God to give me encouragement. I am thankful for this encounter and pray that the next time; I argue a little less with God.

Father, thank you for ministering angels that send us your word. I pray that we all remember to show love to one another and treat everyone like they could be an angel. Amen

I am the InnKeeper that turned away Love.

The Holiday season has begun and as always, I am ready the day after Halloween to throw out Pumpkin Spice for the red cup of Christmas cheer! I know we still have a Thanksgiving bird to cook, but honestly, I’m thankful for the freedom to decorate my house in Christmas red, green, silver and gold, even as some of you choose to keep browns, golds, and shades of autumn around.  I always have these wonderful dreams of things my family will do to fill up our slim weekends after Halloween, but poof, just like that, they are all scheduled. This year is not exception and I wish that I could say that I’ve been smiling and accepting of all he extra, but, I can’t.

As each weekend has been spoken for by some unforeseen event, I have huffed and puffed. I’ve shown the calendar to my sweet husband and begged him to understand that “my” Christmas is being taken away because of all of these events, most of them, I’m embarrassed to admit, with our church. Instead of joy filling my soul that we have ministry opportunities in our church, I’ve ask, when will we decorate our house, when will we go Christmas shopping, when we will we clean the house? Me, Me, Me…..all me.

So, as you can imagine, when my husband came to me late one night, after a phone call, and said, we need to talk….. I tensed up. You see, we had a plan and I was finally, accepting the added duties, understanding that we had a plan. He began,  I’ve been ask to volunteer for one more thing, but I’m only doing this part of it ……translation, two to three more hours, each Saturday, taken away from, “my” Christmas. I wish I could say that I was understanding, I wish I could say that I met his enthusiasm to serve, I wish more than anything I understood his heart to serve, but instead, words were exchanged, bed time was late, and apologies were hard.

Driving to work the next morning, I tried to come to grips with it. God and I began a dialogue and for a brief, very brief, moment, I felt justified in my anger the night before. After all, God tells us to rest one day a week and if our weekends are full, how is that rest? Like I said, my feelings of justification were brief….. God slowly began to take me to the manger scene with the words of Christmas songs. How must Mary have felt with her life being forever changed? Then I saw the shepherds with their sheep and it must have been inconvenient for them to leave the sheep to follow the star. I was starting to understand, when God, not to be disrespectful, but He, Dropped the mic, y’all and I saw, Mary and Joseph being turned away by Inn keeper, after Inn keeper and I stopped breathing as my cheeks dampened. No! No! Please no….. I was not like the Inn keepers….I’m the Inn Keeper that found room for Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus! I am the disciple that walked away from my fishing job to follow the Savior, I am the woman at the well who went into town to tell the village about Jesus, I am ………..fooling myself and I find myself utterly devastated.

Truth is we all want to believe that we would have been Peter, the Rock, which Jesus built his church on. We all want to believe that we could have been Moses and maybe we would have needed persuading, but we would have come around, right?…..But are we? How many more, rich young rulers, are there, than fishermen?  This was my moment and I can’t promise there will not be more. I am flesh, I am sinful man, and I am selfish. God forgive me.

When did a clean house, baked cookies, Christmas trees, and visits to Christmas themed towns become the reason for the season? Yes, I have a lot of do this year, more than I wish, but I choose to that Love came down and I am to share the love of Christ. So, someone may not get their favorite dessert, a Christmas gift might not be perfect or even purchased for that matter, and  that Christmas town might have to wait, but I will show you love in an unorganized, not perfectly decorated home, this Christmas. Jesus Christ is the only thing that matters during this season of hope, love, and family.

Father, forgive us. This flesh is hard to fight against somedays. When we see those whose families look like a Hallmark movie, remind us to let people see our flaws, our dirty, our mess, our anxiety, our fears, and then let them see the Love of this world in that ugly. Let them see the blood stained scars, washed clean by a baby lying in a manger, killed on a cross, and raised from the dead, to the right hand side of God, forevermore. Amen

Never Changing

Driving down a road less traveled my heart hurt as I saw progress, replacing trees with neighborhood roads, old silos, once tall and proud, with round-abouts, and pastured fields with small-yard homes. Gone were the country roads, lined with trees and painted white farm houses.

As a child, we had very little and rarely did we go places on weekends, but our mother did like to find change in the couch, gather up old coke bottles, and take us for a drive through the country. We would stop at a family owned store to turn in old coke bottles for new ones and a piece of candy or slice of cheese, if enough change was found.
After Momma died, I too, would take drives through the country, to clear my head. I did a lot of thinking on that country road  and I those roads hold a lot of imagination. I used to dream of bare-foot runs through the wheat grassy fields and hide and seek games in the old barns.

Change is a part of life and I'm normally just fine with progress. I guess seeing my sweet  country road turning into a round-about neighborhood was like saying good-bye to my mother again.

Hope is knowing that Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today, and tomorrow. No matter how much this world changes, His love , Word, and Promises, remain the same.

Father, when life changes, let us find comfort knowing that you will always be the same. Amen.

A Prayer that changed my life.

When I first got saved I joined the choir at, Life Church, under the leadership of Brother Cy Harris. I was a young divorced, single mother of a very wild little boy. One Sunday, I sang in the choir and watched my sweet little man standing on the arm of the pew, out of reach of the children's director, that so kindly allowed him to sit with her, and he was surfing on one leg with both arms out for balance. The Pastor started to hand me the microphone, thinking I was going to testify, when he saw my sweet little monkey. I walked without taking my eyes off that sweet child until I got to him, grabbed him by the ear and took him somewhere private. Needless to say, he didn't surf from the pews anymore and, in my own pity party, I thought that once again the church had another reason to look down on the sinner in the choir.
You see, being raised in the South, with religious conviction, I understood that my son arriving 4 months after I got married, was a sin, and I also understood that the divorce that took place 18 months later was even more a sin. It didn't help that on the  Easter morning, when I was drug into church, the day I got saved, that I had been hung over and I was only there to keep a promise, made by a co-worker, to another co-worker. Glory to God I went to church that day! So, what I am trying to say is that I didn't feel like I belonged with all of the good Godly people in that church. They never did anything to judge me and each and every one of them loved me, but the Enemy, kept reminding me that I was not good enough.
We had a revival where we focused on a different ministry each night. When it was the choirs night, Cy spoke, and then he came down and he prayed over each choir member. I have no idea what he said to the other members, but I will never forget what he said to me. He prayed specifically for me as a single mother, that the Lord would help me. He didn't pray for my sin as a single mother, he prayed that God bless me, as a single mother. He said the it must be difficult to be a single mom and for God to give me patience and provide. You see , the enemy had convinced me that all the church saw was a sinner that deserved the hard life. But, praise God, on that night, I realized that God didn't see a sinner, he saw a young woman, covered by the blood of His son, saved, redeemed and set free!
I also saw the Love of Christ poured out in the heart of a man of God. He saw me as an equal. A sister, glory bound, to sing in a heavenly choir. I sure do hope they sing, Victory in Jesus, in heaven! Okay, that was off subject.

When you see a sister or brother in Christ, do you see them as your equal or are you only looking at their sin?

Father God, thank you for the reminder tonight that we are all sinners, and by the Grace of God we can be set free to live in Glory for eternity. May my eyes only see people the way you do. Amen.

Bottom of the Mountain

I found this sweet journal entry from November of 2006, in one of my older journals,  although the story is much older. The man in the story is my dearly departed, Uncle Kirk. I've never heard anyone say a bad thing about this man. If ever there was an angel among men, it was him.

At 19 years old an ice storm hit and the store I worked in decided to close early. Viewing this as getting off work early, I got into my car and headed home, with no thought to the direction I should take. I just headed my normal route, instead of planning the safest. There were several ways to get home, but the fasted was the most dangerous, for the icy conditions on the roadway. You see, the fastest route, took me around a small mountain and down a curvy hill.

I came to a four way stop - two directions would have taken me home, yet, without thought I still choose the short way home. I glanced to my right and saw my Uncle, whom had picked up his wife and son, and he was also heading home. He, was planning to take the safer, longer route home, which happened to be across the street from my home. However, when my uncle saw me turn toward the faster route, he choose to follow me. It didn't take long for me to realize my mistake and I was very thankful that my uncle was following slowly behind me. I did okay down the first hill, but as I came back up and around a curve, I saw a dump truck turned over on it's side. It was then that I realized the danger in my decision. I began to panic and I knew it was too late to turn around, so I stopped. I began to cry and decided not to go any further. My uncle, had also stopped and he realized I was not going to drive any further. He got out of his car and came to my window. He told me that he would be with me, but I was going to have to make it to the bottom of this mountain. Once at the bottom, he knew a safe place to park my car and then he would take me the rest of the way home. Which, included another small mountain and curves.

I had to finish the journey. I often wonder what as going through my uncles mind as he made the decision to follow me, with his family in the car, down the unsafe road. He knew a better way but he could not tell me. ( this was before everyone had a cell phone in the car)

Is this how God feels when we take the wrong path? Isn't it good to know that even when we take the wrong path, God is right there with us. Slowly following us and there to take us down the mountain, to safety, just like my uncle did.

Sometimes, we must reach the bottom, before God can take us safely back up the mountain.

Father God, I thank you for lesson learned through mistakes made along the way. I thank you for angels that look out for us and take care of us when we make bad decisions. Amen

Give Therapy

 

Each and every August, something wonderful happens in my life. No, it isn’t the end of summer, turning into the highly anticipated, apple picking season, it isn’t school starting back, or even celebrating my son’s birthday. It is football season – more specifically, Friday night football. Imagine me breathing in deeply and letting out a sigh of joy as I typed that. It’s not that I enjoy this event or that it’s time with my family, no, in fact it is the exact opposite. For me, Friday night football means hours of me time. As my husband and son run off to watch the home team, I order junk food, put on pajamas, grab luscious yarn, and sit in front of the television, and binge watching, new episodes of last year’s programs. I don’t worry about housework, dinner, laundry, or honestly, much of anything. It is a night all about me…..that normally ends with my family rushing in to tell me (eye roll) play by play of who won.

Sitting on the couch this morning, with a warm purring kitty in my lap, a freckled faced boy smashed up close, and a warm cup of vanilla coffee pressed to my lips, I thought, this is not the morning I had planned, as I eyed my bible, wishing for a quiet morning. Then a happy kitty smiled up at me and a freckled faced boy, explained, yet another video game to me and I let out a joyful sign, realizing I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I was giving a warm lap to a kitty and a listening ear to a boy. I reached for a devotional and read two pages, which ended with this scripture and more importantly, this revelation.

In every way I’ve show you that by laboring like this, it is necessary to help the weak

 and to keep in mind the words of the Lord Jesus, for He said,

‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’

Acts 20:35

Have you ever had a really bad day and someone turn to you and say you need shop therapy? Maybe you are out and see something you really want and decide to put it on your credit card because after all, it has been a bad week and this will make you feel so much better. Does it? What if, instead of shop therapy for a bad day, we had “give therapy”? Could you imagine a world where you had a horrible day and instead of stopping off at the bakery for a double stuffed chocolate cupcake, you took a dozen cupcakes to the local police department, as a thank you? Or, what if instead of buying a new outfit, you took a bag full of under garments to a local shelter? Instead of rewarding yourself with a steak dinner, you buy a grocery cart full of fresh food and then hand it out as shoppers leave the store? How wonderful do you think that would make you feel? Sure, you have nothing new in your closet, maybe you stopped yourself from gaining an extra pound, and yes, your check book is a little lighter, but how do you think you would feel?

I’m not the person I just described in the last paragraph. No, instead I am the reward myself person that most of us are. Hence, my love of Friday night football. Let’s all try, give therapy, this week. Now, here is the catch, don’t blast it all over social media. Don’t social media live the act of kindness, just do it, and go home with a warm feeling. Tell your family, if you want to, invite your kids to join you. Just make sure that while giving, you are not looking to, “receive”, through social media, praise.

Father, may I be one to give more than to give to myself. A world were people give when they are having a bad day, would be a world filled with acts of love instead of selfishness. Amen.