Grace forgave a Nation
Shoving pizza in my mouth, as fast as the cheesy goo will
go, waiting on my computer to update, so I can Netflix the disappointment of
the day away, I sigh. What is it that I
want? What is it that will make me throw open the curtains and let the, late
day sun-shine, brighten the room, instead of hiding in darkness, clad in
pajamas before the moon appears.
Stability…….. that is what I want. Faced with the third
lay-off or “displacement”, in 5 years, I think to myself, I want stability in
something.
“You do,” He that created all things, whispered, “In Me…….”
Oh, I thought and oh how I wish
it was that simple. That my soul would simply remember that I do not need to
fear and that God is all I need. Immediately, I think of the morning I was
reading in 1st Samuel, chapter 8 and I cried at the realization that
the Israelites had the King of Kings, yet demanded an earthly King to sit on a
man-made throne.
1 Samuel 8:4-7 New King James Version (NKJV)
4 Then all the elders of Israel gathered together
and came to Samuel at Ramah, 5 and said to him, “Look, you are old, and your
sons do not walk in your ways. Now make us a king to judge us like all the
nations.”
6 But the thing displeased Samuel when they said,
“Give us a king to judge us.” So Samuel prayed to the Lord. 7 And the Lord
said to Samuel, “Heed the voice of the people in all that they say to you; for
they have not rejected you, but they have rejected Me, that I should not reign
over them.
I sat and
thought of those tears, sobbing, shirt drenching tears, as I couldn’t
comprehend the dismissal of, the King. I thought of everything Israel would
suffer at the hands of bad kings and spoke aloud, they had God ruling over them
and they choose flesh and blood. Then, when flesh and blood came to earth to
save them, they rejected Him, too.
Yet, here
I sit, pizza warm in the plate on my lap, watching a computer tick away minutes
as updates continue to deprive me of mind numbing sanctuary, and I too reject
the idea that Savior is my stability. An author I read, Ann VosKamp, refers to
it as, soul amnesia. When God shows up and shows off, I am screaming it from
the roof tops that God is taking care of me and I have nothing to fear, but as
soon as another road block hits, I put on my mask, pretend all is okay, and
sulk like a child told no.
The sad
truth is, my mind has a hard time believing, the King of all Kings, is enough
to make me feel secure. I cringe when I think I am nothing more than a person
seeking flesh and blood in the form of never ending, visible stability. But,
grace forgave a nation and grace forgives me. My God knew that our flesh is
weak and he freely gives grace to cover all of our failings, including our
inability to rest in His shadow when the enemy attacks.
Father, I praise you for winning in a world
ruled by the prince of darkness. For stability in my King of Kings and not in
worldly things. I pray for those hiding in the darkness, those that need
stability, love, understanding…you are all those and more to the hurting,
broken, different, created man. Thank you for being all we need, even when we
reject you. Amen.
***Update,
within days of writing this entry to my journal, the company I work for
approached me and made a very generous offer to put me on a special project for
14 months, train me, and when I leave, I will be blessed. From 8 weeks to 14
months. Anyone else suspect that God wants me to lean on Him for stability and
not the world.
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